


False Memories

by PenguinBattler



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, Eventual violence, Fluff and Smut, I Tried, Imported from FanFiction, Light Angst, M/M, Not Beta Read, Smut, insert other tags, will fix when the story is done
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-30
Updated: 2015-08-28
Packaged: 2018-02-11 02:13:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2049468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PenguinBattler/pseuds/PenguinBattler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As Rin waits for Nitori to come back to their room, Mikoshiba knocks on the door and tells Rin his roommate got in an accident. When Rin arrives, Nitori appears to have amnesia and doesn't know who he is. Rin already had a slight crush on Nitori, and decides to make use of the situation; especially when the doctors tell him his memories will most likely not return. What happens if they actually do return, bit by bit?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> \-- English is not my native language. I am Dutch. I will reread this story once it's done to fix any grammar/spelling mistakes. My apologies for not beta-reading each chapter and edit if necessary before uploading it. --

The bright light of the moon was shining onto the face of Matsuoka Rin, as he was still fully awake while laying on his bed. He was waiting, waiting for his roommate Nitori Aiichirou to come back, as he was still out. It worried Rin, since Nitori promised – he freaking promised! – him to be in their room around 10 PM.

Rin checked his phone every 30 seconds, or at least it seemed like that. He had been sending the shota so many messages asking when he'd be coming back. If he was even planning on going back the same day. However, he didn't got any messages back. Not even a phone call.

Rin didn't know whether to be angry at Nitori for breaking his promise and not contacting him, to be disappointed in him or to be incredibly relieved when he came back. If he came back, that was. Rin wasn't so sure anymore. This had never happened before…

Maybe Nitori was starting to seriously dislike his senpai. Maybe Nitori found out that Rin secretly wanted to be more than just friends, more than roommates and definitely to be more than just senpai and kouhai.

Now this became really frustrating for the short-tempered swimmer. All he wanted was his kouhai to be back as soon as possible. He didn't want to wait anymore. He didn't –

A knock on the door. A loud 'fuck!' echoed through the room as Rin stood up but bumped his head against Nitori's bunk. He didn't have time to be whining, perhaps it was Nitori. Or not – He had the key of their room as well, so why knock?

He shook his head quickly, and raced to the door. He swung it open quite roughly and saw his captain, Mikoshiba Seijuro, standing in the door opening. A soft 'oh, it's just you,' escaped from his mouth. Usually Mikoshiba would have given him a soft – or hard, it depended on his captain's mood – slap against the back of his head. This time… He didn't.

Mikoshiba looked worried, very worried. ''Rin, this is serious,'' He said with a deep tone in his voice, making sure to Rin that he really was serious about… About what, exactly? Rin tilted his head a bit to the right, giving Mikoshiba a questioning look.

''It's Nitori.''

''What about Nitori?''

Silence. An awkward one for Rin, and for Mikoshiba one to get himself together again. Mikoshiba let out a sigh so he was able to talk again without panicking. Rin now knew that whatever the other guy was about to say, wasn't something nice or funny.

''Captain, what about Nitori?'' He repeated his question, trying to sound as formal as he could, yet he wasn't able to avoid the bit of the harsh tone that came with the question.

''The hospital called our headmaster. And the headmaster called me. Rin, Nitori had an accident. According to the friend he was with today, they were about to go down the stairs towards a park for some ice-cream. Some guy was being hasty and bumped against Nitori. The poor guy lost his balance and fell down the stairs, being unconscious after the fall.'' Mikoshiba explained, succeeding in remaining calm as he spoke.

Rin's eyes widened up; this was a nightmare, right? Yes, he was probably in his bed and sleeping – that was reality. ''I—Wh—H-How did… No. No this isn't real. You're not real. Go away and bother someone else!'' He snarled, as he finally managed to breathe again.

Mikoshiba glared, just a tiny little bit, and slapped Rin in his face. ''You should come back to reality, NOW. Matsuoka Rin, you're friend is in the hospital, okay?! You better go to him right now. I have no idea whether he is already awake or not, since the call was already three hours ago. I needed to calm down myself since one of my teammates got in a freaking accident.'' Mikoshiba explained.

To the captain's big surprise, Rin didn't become angry. All he did was sighing once with his eyes closed, and opened them again when he was a bit calm himself as well.

''Alright. I'll be going to the hospital, then. I have no idea whether I'll come back, but I will definitely be at the training tomorrow,'' Was all Rin said after he got his jacket. He turned off the lights and walked outside the room, closing the door behind him silently.

''Oh, Matsuoka.''

''Hm?''

''When he wakes up, be nice to him, okay? Otherwise I'll be there to kick your ass for being the jerk you are,'' Mikoshiba chuckled as he tried to cheer both himself and Rin up.

Rin grinned, a sign that he was joining the joke – even though Mikoshiba was secretly serious about it. ''Forget dating my sister, then. Forget even talking to her.''

''Oh now you are just being mean!'' Mikoshiba laughed and patted Rin's back softly. ''It'll be fine. I will see you tomorrow.'' He winked, and walked back inside his own room.

Once the door of the captain was closed, a very big and worried sigh escaped the redheaded swimmer's lips as he began to walk outside, towards the hospital his roommate currently was.

Rin didn't know what to expect. Maybe he was dead? Maybe he was in a coma? Maybe something even worse… He quickly shook his head, and tried to think of something good. Maybe everything is fine… Yes, that was what he needed. That was the thought he needed to go for.

* * *

When he walked inside the hospital, he suddenly hurried to the woman behind the desk where he had to declare himself. The woman smiled, and wanted to say the words she usually did, but the student didn't even give her even once chance for that.

''Matsuoka Rin. I'm the roommate and friend of Nitori Aiichirou whom got into this hospital a couple of hours ago. I don't care if there is no visiting-hour, I just need to see him right now!'' He demanded.

The woman nodded once. ''It's no visiting-hour indeed. However, no one has come for him yet. His family didn't and not even one of his friends after we gave the school a call. You are allowed to go to him, unless the doctor doesn't want you to.'' She warned him, and he nodded once as an agreement.

Once the woman had given him Nitori's room-number, the swimmer hurried to the stairs; the elevator would be way too slow for him.

As he arrived on the right floor, he had to slow himself down when nurses came in sight. He walked towards the room with the number the woman had given to him on a piece of paper – like he was so stupid that he couldn't keep three simple numbers in mind or something.

He stood in front of the door, with a sign hanging next to it – and under the number of the room – that said: ''Aiichirou Nitori''

Rin swallowed once, and knocked on the door. Once the voice of a man(Rin guessed around the man was somewhere in the forties) allowed him to come in, he did so.

''You must be either family of Nitori-kun, or a close friend.'' The man smiled.

''I am his roommate and friend, yes. Is Nitori okay? He isn't going to die now, right?'' Rin quickly asked; all he needed was some answers.

''He will be fine. You may talk to him as he woke up just two minutes ago. I have to check him right now, but he is situation is okay. So that can wait for a couple of minutes,'' The doctor said.

The doctor stood up and walked to the door, Rin taking a step to the left to get out of the doctor's way.

''Don't force him with anything. Stay nice, and most important; stay calm.'' And with those words the doctor left as he close the door.

Rin walked towards Nitori and sat down on the chair next to his bed. Nitori was looking around a little bit, trying to realize where he was. His senpai gave him all the time he needed.

Four minutes went by when Rin noticed that Nitori was staring at him. Rin blushed very slightly, and smiled. ''Hey there, Nitori. How are your wounds? Are you feeling okay?''

Nitori kept staring at him. ''I…am fine… Thanks for asking…'' He replied softly as he wasn't able to talk a lot yet.

''I'm glad to hear that, you know. You worried me sick when you didn't text or called me back. You even scared the hell out of the captain,'' he laughed.

''I worried you?'' The kouhai asked.

''Yes, you did. Of course you did, Nitori. What are you talking about? I told you a couple of times before that I worry easily about you, you know. You can be… so clumsy sometimes.'' Rin finally managed to let out a soft laugh.

''I am… clumsy? Oh… Ehm, can I ask you something?'' Nitori asked as he stared deeply into Rin's eyes.

''Sure. Anything.'' Rin said, feeling his heart beating a little bit faster than before.

''Who are you?''


	2. Chapter 2

''Ehm, can I ask you something?'' Nitori asked as he stared deeply into Rin's eyes.

''Sure. Anything.'' Rin said, feeling his heart beating a little bit faster than before.

''Who are you?''

Rin froze. What did Nitori just say? Did Nitori really forgot who Rin was? No, that was impossible. The redhead refused to believe such a thing. Nitori was just messing around with Rin, yes. Yes that was the answer.

''Nitori, this isn't funny right now. I was worried as fuck.'' Rin managed to let out a laugh. Yet the positive expression on Rin's face disappeared quickly after he saw the serious one of his kouhai.

''I am really sorry, but… I don't think we've met before. I think you're in the wrong room… My name isn't Nitori. It's…'' Nitori stared at the wall as he blinked his eyes a couple of times. ''My name, that's ehm…''

''Nitori Aiichirou.''

''No, no I don't think that is my name. You're confusing me with someone else –''

''Nitori! I am NOT…'' Rin gave up. His chest began to hurt. It began to sting, as if someone stabbed him right in the heart with a very sharp knife. As if someone kept stabbing it over, and over again.

The sound of a door getting opened appeared, and Rin looked behind him. The doctor stood in the opening of the door; he looked troubled. ''I am sorry to interrupt your… Reunion. But I need to have a talk with Nitori-kun.''

Rin stood up, but almost fell on the floor. He felt weak. He was hurt too badly. ''That's… okay. He doesn't remember me, after all.'' Saying those words out loud, Rin snapped. At first just two – or maybe three – tears fell down onto his cheek. But as soon as that had happened, a whole waterfall of tears appeared.

''I was already afraid of that… Listen up. Nitori got into quite a horrible accident. It might sound something small; he just got pushed down a stairs. However, that accident caused him amnesia since he fell really hard on his head. I want to do a few tests with him for more data and then he is allowed to go back home, if his wounds are healed enough by then.'' The doctor began to explain. ''Minutes ago you mentioned to me that you are his roommate, am I correct?''

''Yes, I am.''

''He needs someone to guide him through his school-life, through normal life. It's usually the parents I would give that task, but they still have not arrived. And since you see him at school and in your room every day, I think you are the only person who can be with him every moment.'' The doctor looked serious. ''Can you do that? Since I can already tell, and I am very sorry, but Nitori-kun will not be able to get his memories back. I hope he remembers his parents, though.''

''I don't think so. He doesn't even remember his own name. He claims that Nitori is someone else,'' Rin sniffed a bit since he finally stopped crying.

''I see… Well, we will talk to his parents and hope they agree with you taking care of him at school. Be easy on him, stay gentle… Otherwise he will get a very bad image of who you are and get afraid of you,'' The doctor softly chuckled.

Rin couldn't laugh, though. All he did was nodding a bit two times. ''I see. I will do my best, then. I'll be going now.'' Rin sighed, and looked at Nitori again. As he expected, his kouhai fell asleep again.

* * *

A month later, Nitori was finally able to go back to school. Rin was able to talk with Nitori's parents to convince him that he needed school no matter what. Also in the end, Nitori didn't remember his parents. However, once the doctor told him of amnesia, he gladly accepted that the woman and man standing next to him were his parents. It was a big relief, for the parents that was.

A knock on the door. Rin had just cleaned their room – well, more likely Nitori's part of the room. The redheaded swimmer walked towards the door, and opened it. He there saw Nitori along with his parents.

''Here you are, Aiichirou. This boy will be helping you to get through your weeks.'' His mother smiled, and all Nitori did was nodding once – was he shy for… Rin?!

Rin let the family in the room, and did his best not to jump back as soon as he felt a hand on his shoulder. It was a large hand, and when he looked up he was looking right in the eyes of Nitori's father. Rin had nothing to fear, though. The two grown-ups were one of the nicest people he had ever met in his whole life…

''Thank you so much, Matsuoka-kun. I am very happy to know that someone will be able to take care of him as well, I hope it's not a burden. You're a very good guy and a really good friend.'' Were his words.

Rin was speechless. Oh god, if only his parents knew how many times he yelled at Nitori. How many times he pushed him away for whatever reason. And most probably, how many times the senpai hurt his kouhai…

''Anyway. We have to get going now. Aiichirou, give Matsuoka-kun a chance. This is also very hard for him and he will do his best. Please do so too, Aiichirou.'' Nitori's mother said with a gentle smile as he pressed a soft kiss on her son's forehead.

Once again, Nitori only nodded once. He didn't say anything, he… He didn't even look at Rin. As the parents said goodbye to their son, Rin let out a soft sigh. What was he going to do if Nitori really was scared of him? Was it because of his teeth? Did he do something wrong to Nitori while he was in the hospital? Rin didn't know…

''Goodbye, Matsuoka-kun. And once again, thanks a lot. If there is anything we can do for you, you can give us a call.'' The mother said, as she handed over a small piece of paper with some numbers written down on it.

Rin nodded once, and smiled a little bit – for as far as he could smile, that is. ''I will. And I will also do my best.'' He replied.

The parents said goodbye to their son once more, and then they – finally – left. Rin looked at Nitori, whom was already sitting down on the lower bed; on Rin's bed.

''Eh, your bed is the upper one.'' Rin softly mumbled. Nitori quickly jumped off the older swimmer's bed, having slightly red cheeks out of embarrassment.

''I-I'm sorry.'' He softly said, looking at the floor. ''I really don't know anything, I feel so stupid. Please forgive me, Matsuoka-san.''

Matsuoka….-san…? Rin once again felt his chest hurting a bit. Oh, did he missed the sound of his kouhai annoyingly yelling 'senpai' all the time. Trying his best to hide the fact he got hurt – which succeeded to his own surprise - Rin smiled a little bit.

''Don't worry about it. It's not that you don't know anything. In fact, before your accident you really knew quite a lot. You're a smart guy and… A very good swimmer.'' Rin shyly laughed, as he never complimented Nitori that much ever before.

Nitori's familiar smile appeared on his face, obviously as a sign he felt a whole lot more comfortable around his roommate. ''T-Thank you so much. I was afraid that… I was just a burden to you. After I woke up, you never visited me again.'' Nitori finally opened himself up.

'Fuck…' Rin thought by himself as a lot of guilt fell down on him. The truth was – Rin was just too scared to visit Nitori. He was so scared that Nitori would say that he was 'at the wrong room'. That they didn't know each other. Rin was scared to… get hurt again.

''No that's not it. You're not a burden now, and you've never been before. I admit you were sometimes a bit annoying, but I love you for that.''

…

Fuck. He didn't plan to say that. Not at all! The words just got out of his mouth himself, just like that! Rin stepped back a little bit, starting to sweat nervously slightly. He didn't blink, he couldn't. He wasn't able to say 'just kidding' to cover himself. He couldn't do anything.

''I-Is that so? I didn't… I'm sorry, I didn't know you were… Are you like, really in love with me? I mean… Oh gosh I'm so sorry! I didn't notice, not at the beginning and not until just now!'' Nitori was about to cry, he felt so incredibly guilty of not noticing it. He felt so stupid of not remembering it – if there was something to remember, then.

Rin wanted to say something, but Nitori took away the chance of the redhead to do so. ''Are we like… I don't know, this is so embarrassing to ask, haha…'' He nervously chuckled. ''Are we in a, ehm… R-Relationship?'' Nitori became red on his whole face.

No. They weren't. They weren't a couple at all, they were still just senpai and kouhai, they were still friends. They were still… Roommates. So no, they did not have a relationship with each other. They weren't in love with each other – at least not from both sides.

''Yes, we are.'' Rin replied as he looked away.

'What the fuck?! Shit, that wasn't supposed to happen either. Fuck, fuck, fuck! Fuck this shit, fuck myself! He will just laugh at me, and call me a piece of shit. Yes, he will. Of course he will. I'm such an asshole!' Rin panicked in himself.

''Oh my God. I am so sorry. I hurt you, didn't I? How can I make it up to you? I didn't even gave you a chance before to say that.'' Nitori had some tears sliding down onto his cheeks.

''It's okay. Don't worry.''

''R-Really? You're… Way too kind. Please tell me more, then. I want to know everything. Well, not only about us, that is. But that is at least a good subject to start with.'' Nitori sniffed.

'Matsuoka Rin – asshole of the year. For fuck's sake, what am I doing? I am making use of Nitori's situation, that he believes everything because of his amnesia… God, let me die already.' Rin scolded himself in his mind, but then thought well about it one more time. 'The doctor said he will not regain his memories. So, this isn't that bad, right? He doesn't know I am lying. If I just twist some things and mix them with the truth, it should be fine.'

''Alright, sit down on my bed and I will tell you everything you want to know. And because you want, I will start telling everything about us.'' Rin smiled a little more as he pointed at his own bed. The redheaded swimmer was really confident about it now; Nitori wouldn't even notice how hard Rin was about to lie. He wouldn't get his memories back, after all. This was Rin's chance to make his kouhai his. His and his only! The chance to be more than just friends, more than just kouhai and senpai or roommates.

As Nitori sat down onto Rin's bed carefully, Rin – whom was quite happy – jumped onto the bed himself as well. ''Listen carefully, okay? Before I tell you how we've met, who confessed, how long we are together already, there is something you should know.''

''Alright, what is it?'' Nitori asked, leaning with his head a bit to the right as he glanced curiously at his 'boyfriend'.

''Our relationship is a secret. No one, except for us, knows about it. We don't hold hands in public, because we promised not to tell anyone about it just yet. It's because, well…'' Oh shit, what now? Rin make something up! ''…It's because we don't know how everyone will take it. Not only our family, but also our friends and the other students at school. Mostly our teammates from the swimming team.'' The redhead warned Nitori. Otherwise Rin would get in BIG trouble…

''Oh, I see. I totally understand that, yes.'' Nitori smiled. ''Can I please know everything now? I am really, really curious.'' He giggled, like the old Nitori never left to begin with.

''Alright.'' Rin chuckled softly, not feeling guilty or whatsoever because of lying towards Nitori. Yes, if Nitori's parents only knew… How much Rin was about to make use of Nitori's amnesia. If they only, fucking knew, then they wouldn't have trusted the little guy in the redhead's hands…


	3. Chapter 3

Rin had to improvise quite a lot, but his advantage was that he was incredibly good in improvising. Now he just had to hope that everything he was about to say, sounded logical to the other one. One mistake would be quite fatal, and the older one didn't want to screw it up. Now he finally had Nitori, and he wasn't planning on letting him go.

''Well, your parents probably told you that this is your first year on this school. I'm one year older, for your information.'' Rin began, finding himself sounding very lame. He sighed deeply, and continued to talk.

''Anyway. So we've met… Well, here, in this room. I just came back from Australia, and I prefer not to talk about it. Let's just say, I had a lot of shit going on there, so I came back to Japan. Anyway, you were quite the… annoying one, to be honest.'' Rin laughed, still speaking the truth. Yet once again, his chest began to hurt so much… He just wanted the old Nitori to come back, that was all.

''A-Annoying? Why so?'' Nitori gasped, feeling slightly offended by the words of the redhead.

''Scrap that – You were quite the annoying one in my eyes back then. I didn't want to talk to anyone. All I just wanted was to swim and live a very quiet school-life. However, with such a noisy and lively roommate like you, the quiet part became impossible for me. You called me 'senpai' ever since that day.'' The last sentence had a tone Nitori didn't like; as if Rin was about to cry.

''Anyway. I don't really know how to say everything, but you were always there for me. I admit I've been scolding you, yelling at you and I even pushed you away many times. But that was all my fault. Even though I did so, you never gave up on supporting me. And… I'm really grateful for that.''

And for so far, the truth. That was all Rin managed to say about how they've met, and how Nitori was before he got into the accident. To Rin's own surprise, not even a single tear fell down from his eyes. And then, the big show finally began.

''About our relationship… Well, I don't know where to start.'' Rin nervously laughed as he scratched the back of his head a little bit. Nitori, however, smiled sweetly at his so-called boyfriend.

''Who confessed first? When? Where? How? And… And when did the other say yes?'' He happily asked. Yet the happy smile shining upon the shota's face, almost made the short-tempered senpai feel guilty about what he was doing…

''… You confessed first.'' He bluntly said. ''A couple of months ago, as we decided to just walk around a bit in the mall; it was weekend. Since there was quite an awkward silence, and you were also walking close to me by the way, I offered you to buy some ice cream. Once we had our ice cream and took a seat somewhere on the grass in a park, you confessed to me. You told me that you weren't able to keep it for yourself anymore. You told me that you wanted to be more than just friends. When you were done confessing, I told you that I had quite the crush on you as well. And so you asked me and… I said yes.'' Rin lied. Damn, did he fucking lie, that lying motherfucker.

'I don't know whether to be proud of myself, or whether to hate myself…' Rin thought by himself, as he looked at Nitori; waiting for an answer.

The younger guy, however, blinked his eyes a couple of times. When Rin didn't know if it was a good thing, Nitori finally smiled again. ''Is that so? It's such a shame that I am not able to remember that… I think because of my amnesia, I am not feeling any love towards you. B-But please, give me some time. I am sure that in no time, that feeling will come back. There is no other way.'' The short kouhai stated, and hugged Rin carefully.

Rin smiled back, as he pulled Nitori in a close embrace. Rin didn't show any sign of sadness, only happiness of holding Nitori like that. Yet, Rin's inner self was screaming… It was screaming, it was crying. It wanted Nitori back, the old Nitori. It wanted to hold the old and only Nitori, and not the one Rin was holding in his arms at that moment. That just… Wasn't right.

''Ehm…'' Nitori softly mumbled as he managed to get out of his boyfriend's embrace. ''You told me that I am was swimmer, too. That I'm in a swimming club here at school. C-Can I, by any chance, meet my teammates?'' He carefully asked Rin.

The redheaded didn't want that. No, he wanted Nitori for himself for a little while longer. He wanted to stroke the soft hairs of his kouhai, he wanted to inhale his scent… But if Rin declined Nitori's request, he would probably hurt the little guy. And he didn't want that, not ever again…

''Alright. But I don't think they are at the swimming pool. So we either have to wait for that or search around for each one of them.'' Rin replied. ''However, the Captain sleeps in the room across ours. We can visit him if you want?'' The redhead suggested.

''Oh! He really is? That is so great!'' Nitori smiled even happier, and jumped off the bed. ''Let's go then, Matsuoka-san!''

Matsuoka-san again… It hurt Rin every time he heard Nitori saying that. Where was the 'Rin-senpai!' or the 'Matsuoka-senpai!'? That was all he wanted to hear. Yet he didn't have the right to complain; sooner or later the shota would call him his senpai again. It just needed some time, and Rin had to be patient – even though he wasn't that kind of guy…

Rin slowly got off the bed as well. ''Alright. Let's… go then.'' He softly mumbled, but then quickly smiled at Nitori so the kouhai wouldn't notice he didn't really feel comfortable at the moment.

Nitori quickly opened the door of their room, and Rin silently followed him. Rin knocked on the door because he knew that Nitori was a bit too shy for it. They didn't have to wait long before the door opened and a big guy stood in the opening.

''Ah, Matsuoka!'' He smiled, a lot brighter at the moment he saw Nitori. ''Nitori! Damn you're looking great now!'' He happily said, and dragged Nitori inside. Of course, Rin just followed as he closed the door behind him.

''Captain. How many times do I have to mention this to you? He has amnesia. He doesn't remember you. Just be calm to him and introduce yourself before throwing him around like some puppet.'' Rin smirked a bit.

Mikoshiba glanced over to Rin as he let out a sigh before releasing Nitori of his strong grip. ''Yes, sorry. I didn't forget about the fact that this little guy has amnesia, but I did forget about him not remembering me.'' He mumbled.

''Ah, ehm. It's nice to meet you, in that case. I'm Nitori Aiichirou, which you… Already knew of course.'' Nitori softly giggled, making Rin's heart beat a little bit faster; his kouhai was so cute. And finally his. Well, sort of…

''Haha, yes. Glad to see you back alive again, Nitori. I'm sorry I wasn't able to visit you in the hospital; I still have a whole team to control and I don't trust anyone else with that task, since it is my responsibility, you know?'' The bright redhead winked. ''Anyways. My name is Mikoshiba Seijuuro, and I'm your Captain.'' The captain _finally_ introduced himself.

''Ah thank you very much, and I am very sorry to be such a burden already. I mean, I'm sure you have enough on your mind already, C-Captain.'' Nitori mumbled softly as he felt deeply embarrassed yet also feeling a burden to everyone like he just mentiond.

Mikoshiba looked surprised, but then laughed and ruffled with his hand through the short, grey hairs of his little teammate. ''Oh come on! You've never been a burden to me, and you'll never be, got that? Just do your best, ask a question whenever you want to know something and everything will be okay. Just because you lost your memories doesn't mean you're a burden. It was the past, and now we are going to make a future.'' The bright redheaded captain said as some sort of speech, making Rin sigh very deeply – almost very annoyed.

Nitori bowed deeply, as a couple of tears fell down on his cheeks happily. ''T-Thank you very much! And I will, I will definitely do my best.'' He smiled, making Rin feel quite jealous of how Mikoshiba managed to let _his_ kouhai smile as much as he never did before in his whole life…

* * *

Days went by, and Nitori already picked up everything really fast. Of course there were a lot of things that teachers needed to teach him again, but that wasn't a problem. He easily understood it, except for the things he didn't understand even before the accident. English was still his main problem, but luckily the kouhai had his senpai – no scrap that, _boyfriend_ to help him with his English exercises.

Rin gladly helped him. Rin gladly made sure that Nitori felt comfortable everywhere. Even swimming went well! He wasn't as good as before, but at least he tried. He tried as hard as he could, like he promised Mikoshiba.

And that is where they were: at the swimming pool of their school, training. Nitori had already done his laps for the day; Mikoshiba told him to take it slowly before getting back to the hard training again. And no one complained about it, everyone agreed that Nitori should take it easy and slow to pick everything up again.

It was now Rin's turn to do his laps, and to break his record. He looked at his roommate with a little grin on his face. ''Nitori, can you please get the stopwatch and start it when I begin to swim, and stop it when I stop swimming? I need to break my personal record, you see? So it's quite important.'' Rin asked, trying to sound as gentle as possible.

Nitori nodded once and smiled. ''Ah, yes. I will, give me a moment to get one, Matsuoka-san!'' He softly giggled and asked Mikoshiba for one. Rin shook his head softly, followed by a sigh and went to the start block.

On his way towards the start block, most of his teammates were smiling at Rin and telling him how great he was for Nitori. They also said how much of a relief it was to them that the short-tempered shark didn't freak out on his kouhai anymore.

Rin just nodded once at them, and then decided not to reply on what they told him. He had to be nice, otherwise Nitori would never be able to love him. And if that would happen, Nitori would break up and the little guy would never be Rin's boyfriend ever again…

As he was ready to dive into the water, he waited for Nitori. Of course, he didn't know how the stopwatch worked and so Mikoshiba quickly explained him. When that was done and clear to Nitori, he thanked his captain and looked at Rin.

''Alright, Matsuoka-san! Sorry for the wait.'' He said as he scratched the back of his head. Again was he apologizing… Well, he already was ever since he came back at Samezuka. Ever since he had woken up from the freaking accident.

''Alright. When you're ready to start timing, yell 'go' and I will start as well.'' Rin instructed Nitori, getting a small nod in reply from the kouhai.

''GO!'' The short guy yelled as he pressed the 'START' button on the stopwatch, seeing his boyfriend dive smoothly into the water.

As Rin dived into the water, he began to swim. He swam as fast as he could, as splendid as he could. Everyone was looking at Rin, focusing on Rin. They were supporting him, yelling to 'go go go!', and all those so-called supporting words.

Rin slowed down. He didn't hear Nitori, he couldn't swim faster. The whole situation wasn't only affecting Rin with his feelings, but also with swimming. He once again wanted to cry – all out of the sudden.

''SENPAI! YOU CAN DO IT!'' He suddenly heard Nitori yell. Instead of finishing the amount of laps he had to swim, he stopped. He stopped and looked up at Nitori. Did he really call him senpai? Did Nitori really say it again?!

Yet, happy 'ends' don't exist – not that this was the end already. It was more that Rin felt like he was somehow cursed; that he wasn't allowed to be happy or any of that sort. As soon as a big smile appeared on Rin's face, it quickly disappeared.

''M-My head! I-It hurts so much!'' Nitori was crying, and fell with his knees on the floor while his hands touched his forehead. He was shaking as the tears fell on the floor. Rin didn't hesitate for even one second, and immediately got out of the water.

''NITORI!'' He screamed as he ran towards him, trying his best not to fall on the floor as it was quite slippery because of the water. What was going on with Nitori?!


	4. Chapter 4

Rin and Mikoshiba were both sitting on each side of the bed – they had brought Nitori to the nursery when he got his terrible headache and eventually passed out. Mikoshiba had decided to stop their training for the day, since everyone was in shock.

Nitori was still asleep, and Rin couldn't get his eyes off his kouhai. It surprised the captain: never in his life had he seen Rin so… worried over someone else. Or rather to say; someone other than his sister.

''Matsuoka.'' He spoke rather softly, not wanting to scare his teammate since there was a big silence before he called out Rin's surname.

Rin finally looked at his captain, the worried expression not leaving his face anytime soon. ''Hm?'' Was all he could bring out.

''Nitori will be okay. Don't worry about it, the nurse said so herself.'' Mikoshiba reached out for Rin's shoulder, and gently let his hand rest on it. ''Nitori is strong. He really is a strong person. But worrying alone won't help, and I don't think he wants you to worry this much, either.''

Rin knew that his captain was right – but Rin was known as quite a stubborn teen. ''I never heard him saying that.'' Rin mumbled, and let out a deep sigh. ''So as long as he doesn't say that to me personally, I will worry.''

Mikoshiba let out quite a frustrated groan. ''Come on, Matsuoka. There are a lot of times where I don't mind you being this… stubborn. But now is not the time. And you know that Nitori will feel guilty if he hears how worried you were about him –''

Rin stood up, looking down on Mikoshiba as he seemed to glare a bit. ''Nitori has changed. He doesn't know who exactly we are; he isn't able to remember anything. So don't tell me that Nitori will 'feel guilty because I was worried' while you don't know that for sure! His personality changed. Maybe not that much, but it changed.'' The redhead did his best not to raise his voice.

The older teen blinked a couple of times with his eyes in surprise, not expecting Rin to snap at a time like that. ''O-Oi. All I mean is that you should –''

''I don't have to do _anything_! Sure, you're my captain and be fucking happy with it. But that's only the case when it comes to swimming in our school team. Don't think you can order me around every second of your life.'' Rin hissed, and walked out of the room, leaving Mikoshiba with a sleeping Nitori.

Some people greeted Rin, thinking he had changed into a nice person. But that image of Rin was soon forgotten; all he did was glare at everyone. He was pissed, really pissed. He couldn't believe that Mikoshiba called him stubborn, while Mikoshiba was being stubborn himself!

… Right?

Rin shook his head, he tried to forget about it as he arrived in his room – well, the room he shared with Nitori. He threw his bag somewhere in a corner, and let himself fall on his bed. Finally rest. Finally alone…

But just when Rin thought things were finally relaxing for him, his cell phone rang. ''Seriously?!'' He snarled to his phone. The teen arched a brow, not recognizing the number. ''Matsuoka Rin speaking.'' He mumbled.

''Rin-chan~!'' A happy voice on the other side of the line yelled. Rin knew the voice, he knew it damn well.

''Nagisa. What is it? Make it quick, I'm busy.'' He spoke with a cold tone. ''Besides! How the fuck can you call me?! I blocked your number!''

''I'm usi – wait, Rin-chan you seriously blocked my number? That's so mean.'' Nagisa whined. Another voice was present in the background, but Rin couldn't tell whose voice it was.

''Anyway,'' Nagisa continued, sounding all happy again. ''I'm using Rei-chan's cell phone.'' He giggled innocently.

' _Next task: block Megane Speedo's number._ ' Rin thought by himself before he spoke again, ''Get to the point. Why are you calling me?''

Nagisa started to hum a bit, as if he was thinking. To Rin, it more sounded like Nagisa actually had no reason to call. But then the blonde teen began to talk again.

''Well~ Gou-chan told me that your captain told her that Nitori-chan happened to get into an accident… How is he doing now?'' Nagisa didn't only sound curious, but also rather worried. For some reason, it pissed Rin off more.

' _I'm sorry but he is already mine. When will people get their hands and minds off Nitori?_ ' Rin thought. His eyes widened up a bit as he noticed himself thinking like that. Was he… Jealous? Was Rin jealous that Nitori also had other people that loved him, and Nitori loved back?

''He is fine.'' Another cold reply.

A sigh was heard from the other side of the line. ''Rin-chaaaaan~!'' Nagisa seemed to slightly pout. ''You don't sound like he is doing fine! Rei-chaaan say something!''

Rin heard Rei talking on the background, and a sigh escaped the redhead's lips. Rei was complaining about Nagisa. Normally he'd be thankful, but now it only annoyed him more.

''Okay listen here! Nitori is doing _fine_! He is doing _great_! Now don't bother _us_ anymore, you got that?'' He snarled, and ended the conversation. Rin thought it was time to let other people know that Nitori was only his – he had come so far… So far, that we wouldn't suddenly give up on his kouhai.

The next day, Rin skipped his training. Yes – the one who wanted to become the best, skipped a training. But instead of hanging around in town like every other teen would, the redhead was sitting next to Nitori's bed in the nursery.

Nitori had woken up a few minutes ago by the sudden touch on his hand. Rin's large fingers (large compared to Nitori's small ones) were gently stroking the back of his hand. ''Matsuoka…-senpai…''

Rin couldn't hold a gasp and looked surprised. Nitori called him like he used to do _before_ the accident. ''Ai…? Are you okay?'' He asked, starting to get a bit worried. Nitori nodded once slowly.

''My head is… hurting a little bit. But I'm okay.'' He spoke softly as he looked straight into Rin's eyes. ''Thanks for staying at my side, senpai.'' Nitori forced himself to smile sweetly at the redhead.

Rin shook his head, though. He knew that Nitori forced himself to smile, he usually did that. ''Ai… Just rest a bit.'' Was all he could bring out.

Rin wanted to hug Nitori – no, hold the little guy for eternity long. The redhead reached out for Nitori's small hand, but as soon as he touched the skin, Nitori quickly drew his hand back. ''S-Senpai…!'' He looked a bit shocked.

Rin blinked with his eyes, rather confused of the sudden reaction of his kouhai. He knew they were boyfriends, right? Then why did he act like that?

''Something wrong…?'' Rin asked and withdrew his own hand as well, rather awkwardly. All out of the sudden, Nitori's eyes became all watery. The redhead saw a tear falling down onto his cheek, and that's when he did his best not to panic.

''Senpai… Please go.'' Nitori sat up, but looked down so his bangs were covering his eyes. ''Please go away…''

''Ai…?'' Rin's large hands began to shake. Had he done something wrong? No, that couldn't be it.

' _As his boyfriend I should… take good care of him, right..?_ ' He asked himself in his mind. His kouhai didn't say anything when he called out his name. Rin leaned forward, his face coming closer to Nitori's cute face.

''Ai, please don't cry…'' He whispered and pressed his lips softly on Nitori's cheek. ''Please tell me what's wrong.'' Rin sounded so sweet, so… gentle.

Nitori pushed Rin away with all the strength he had still left. ''Please leave right now, Matsuoka-senpai!'' He almost shouted, yet his voice was definitely trembling as he was crying. ''How could you…?! I thought you… could be nice…! I was so wrong…''

Rin was standing there – clueless. ''Ai, what are you talking about?!'' He spoke confused. ' _What the hell is wrong?!_ ' The redhead thought in himself, now definitely panicking.

At that moment Mikoshiba walked in the room, yet Nitori didn't notice that. He was focusing on Rin – more like scolding Rin.

''I remember… I remember our actual relationship…'' The kouhai sobbed intensely. ''How could you lie to me like that…?! How could you make use of my situation? Everyone trusts you, even I trusted you. _How dare you to lie to me? How dare you to make up things, and tell me they had actually happened?!_ '' Nitori was shouting the last part, tears streaming down his face.

Rin swallowed – all that didn't really go as planned. Not at all… Whenever the doctors told him that he wouldn't be able to get his memories back, he really thought they would never return. Then why did they…?

''I don't remember _everything_. A lot of things are still blurry. But I remember everything with you. We never confessed to each other. Let stand that we actually hugged each other. You _always_ pushed me away, and now you… Just make up a lie that we are boyfriends…?'' Nitori looked down again. ''Leave, now. I-I don't want to see you right now… Matsuoka.''

Mikoshiba cleared his throat, even he sounded shocked. And angry… That was the most important part – Mikoshiba was seriously angry. ''Matsuoka. You're out of the swimming team for a month, to think about what you've done.'' The captain preferred to scold the other redhead, but that wouldn't solve a thing. He knew he had to speak calmly, even if it was really hard.

Rin's expression was… indescribable. All kinds of emotions were shown on his face – sadness, confusion, anger, and most importantly; disappointment. Disappointment in himself. Not because of what he did, but _because he failed_. He didn't regret it, if Nitori and Mikoshiba only knew… If they only knew how hard he fell for his sweet kouhai. It hurt to see Nitori crying, but it hurt even more that the always happy roommate of his yelled at him. That he didn't want to see him.

''I'll take my leave.'' He mumbled as he didn't look at the other two guys. Rin was shaking, holding his own tears, and left the room silently. ' _If Gou hears this, everyone of Iwatobi will hear this, huh…? Guess I'm going to lose everyone._ ' He thought, and a tear fell down his face as he thought, ' _…Again._ '


	5. Chapter 5

Tears were streaming down Rin’s face, as the redhead ran inside his room. He let himself fall onto his bunk, hiding his face in his pillow to lessen the sound of his loud, sad cries. Even though Rin was emotionally unstable, he always made sure he didn’t cry a lot – but this time he was so broken, so angry, so disappointed, so sad, that he couldn’t hold back his tears any longer.  
  
He had never cried this much. He had never hated himself this much, no…   
  
Rin’s dream was crushed, Nitori’s life was crushed – the redhead could never forgive himself for that. How many lives was he able to ruin?  
  
The teen’s breaths were unsteady as he finally withdrew his head from his pillow to catch his breath. He felt like his life was over, he felt like he had nothing to live for anymore. Then why would he be here…? Shouldn’t he be going somewhere else, instead? Shouldn’t he _do_ something other than crying in the room with so many memories?   
  
Rin sat up and slowly and got off his bunk, immediately grabbing his important belongings and crammed everything in his training bag. The one thing he left behind for sure – one thing no one would expect him to leave behind – were his swimming shorts. No way he ever, _ever_ wanted to see those again.   
  
When he thought he had everything he needed, he heard his cell phone rang. The redhead groaned and grabbed it harshly to see who the hell could be calling him at a time like this – no one other than Tachibana Makoto. Yes, Mikoshiba had already told Gou for sure, didn’t he? And Gou told the rest of the team.   
  
‘’Go to hell.’’ He snarled and threw his phone against the wall, leaving the room as he shut the door with a loud ‘BANG’. The athlete had enough of everything, of everyone. He would start a new life – that was for sure.  
  
He didn’t care.  
  
He didn’t even try to care anymore. He couldn’t. His life was over – the chapter was over, so he had to start a new chapter himself, a new life.  


* * *

  
  
The next week, it was a chaos in both Samezuka and the Iwatobi Swimming Club – Matsuoka Rin had left. No one was able to get in touch with him, and Mikoshiba had discovered the cell phone of the redhead all broken on the floor.  
  
Rin wasn’t at home, either. At first Gou had some places in mind where her older brother could be, but the shark was nowhere to be found.   
  
What did surprise everyone, was the fact that Nitori wasn’t even worried. Not because he knew Rin would be fine, he simply didn’t care about the redhead’s disappearance. ‘It was only thing less to worry about’, were the silveret’s words.   
  
The one that adored his senpai through day and night, in any situation ever, had grown into a person that _hated_ Matsuoka Rin – if the redhead would die, Nitori wouldn’t let out a single tear. He might actually be the only one smiling outside the funeral, since he most like wouldn’t go and waste his time there. That was the best way to describe the shota’s hatred for the older teen.  
  
In the meanwhile, Rin had found a good place to continue living for a while and to calm down. There was only one person that he could trust – Yamazaki Sousuke, his best friend. Rin had explained the whole situation to the other guy – Sousuke would sigh every now and then, as if he wanted to say ‘you idiot, why’d you do that?! – and asked whether he could stay over his place.  
  
To Rin’s expectations, the brunette let him stay over. Sousuke had an own apartment, so he didn’t live with his parents anymore due to some family trouble that he had. Either way, Rin lived with Sousuke now and they slept in the same room, since Rin often had nightmares and needed someone to hold whenever he woke up and was sweating because of the bad dream.  
  
The situation now, was relaxed. The redhead was currently gaming with the brunette – Rin was sitting between the legs of the taller one, and the taller one had wrapped his arms slightly around the redhead while holding the controller.   
  
They weren’t a couple, though. But this was just really comfortable for the both of them, and they were best friends, after all. But sometimes they way they acted, seemed like they really were a couple. Neither of them minded, though.  
  
‘’Rin. Go to the left.’’ Sousuke mumbled as he shot a guy in the head in the game, waiting for Rin to follow his instructions.  
  
‘’Alright.’’ The redhead frowned, moving his character to the left just like Sousuke said.   
  
‘’Ne, Rin?’’ Sousuke said after a while of playing the game, laying his controller next to Rin and withdrawing his arms from the redhead.  
  
‘’Hm?’’  
  
‘’Are you sure that you shouldn’t contact Gou, or your mom? They must be worried sick about you…’’ Sousuke sighed deeply, knowing that it would rather piss off the other teen.  
  
‘’I’m very sure, yes. I don’t think they’re worried, at all. I’m sure they’re hating me… Just like… _He_ hates me… Like everyone does…’’ Rin held back his tears this time by biting his lower lip with his shark-like teeth.  
  
‘’Hey. Don’t think like that, Rin.’’ Sousuke comforted the redhead quickly, before he was completely depressed again like the day he came to move in with the brunette. ‘’I don’t hate you. Not even a little bit.’’ The taller one smiled.   
  
‘’You’re only saying that to cheer me up, Sousuke.’’ Rin grumbled rather annoyed at the reply of his friend, not believing a single word he said.   
  
‘’… Rin, you’re acting really depressed again…’’ Sousuke raised an eyebrow and grabbed  one of Rin’s arms. ‘’Show me your arm, now. I want to know what you’ve been up to, I want to know what you’ve been feeling lately.’’  
  
The redhead, however, tried to jerk away his arm, but the taller one’s grip was too strong. How did Sousuke know?! How did he figure out? He had been wearing sweaters the whole time, he couldn’t have possibly seen it, right? … Right…?  
  
‘’Rin! I’m worried about you and your health! You’re barely eating, you don’t want to go outside… I’ve been looking around on the internet, and I have a bad feeling about all of this.’’  
  
‘’Just… Let go of me, Sousuke.’’ Rin snarled, but got pulled closer to the taller one instead.  
  
Sousuke rolled up a sleeve from Rin’s grey sweater – and was incredibly shocked about the sight that caught his eyes.  
  
‘’R-Rin…’’ the brunette stuttered as he kept staring at Rin’s arm – it was all cut open with god-knows-what.   
  
‘’Let me go… Leave me alone…’’ The redhead was slightly sobbing, but sounding rather angry as well because of his friend that didn’t listen to him.  
  
‘’Damnit, Rin.’’ Sousuke wrapped his large, muscled arms around the others’ shoulder and pulled him as close as he could. ‘’Why didn’t you come to me to talk, like we promised? I wasn’t joking when I said I’d be helping you, no matter what.’’  
  
‘’… Do you know how I feel? Do you _truly_ know what it feels like to suddenly be abandoned by the one you… love?’’ Rin swallowed.   
  
‘’I do.’’ Sousuke responded almost immediately at the question of the smaller one that was being held in his arms. ‘’I understand that feeling very, very well…’’  
  
‘’Y-You do? O-Oi, Sousuke! Why didn’t you tell me about it?’’ Rin looked up, meeting the beautiful, teal eyes of his close friend – whom was smiling softly.  
  
‘’Yes, but I didn’t because it wasn’t important. Plus, you never asked me about whether I liked someone or not.’’ Sousuke laughed.  
  
‘’Because I hadn’t spoken to you in a while, so I completely forgot to ask you things like that… Tell me, though. Who is it that you like? Or liked.’’ Rin’s eyes were almost bursting out of curiosity.   
  
Sousuke chuckled softly at the rather childish act of Rin, and answered, ‘’It’s the one I want to take care of for the rest of my life.’’  
  
‘’If that’s the case, aren’t I in the way?’’ Rin felt a little guilty for wasting so much time of Sousuke and worry him like heck – why didn’t he commit suicide a while ago?!  
  
‘’Not at all. I mean, why would you be in the way if I want to take care of you for the rest of my life?’’ Sousuke slowly confessed, leaving Rin with widened eyes – surprised.  
  
Did someone actually love him? For real? It wasn’t a joke, right?  
  
‘’Sousuke, you –‘’  
  
‘’I’m serious, Rin. But I didn’t say anything because you were so broken when you came to me. I am not the person who takes advantage of that, you know that. In fact, I just wanted to wait a while longer with telling you…’’ Sousuke chuckled. ‘’But don’t look at me differently now. I’m still the same, even when you don’t feel anything for me.’’  
  
He was nice… Sousuke was so incredibly nice… Rin wished that he felt the same way for Sousuke, but at this moment, he couldn’t say that he did. Not for now, at least. Because, after all….  
  
‘’Thank you, Sousuke.’’ Rin sighed softly, this time as if a weight had been removed from his shoulders.  
  
‘’Now, let’s take care of that arm of yours. And show me what you’ve been cutting yourself with, Rin. I’ll throw it out of my apartment immediately – I don’t want this to happen _ever_ again.’’  
  
… His heart was still with Nitori.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [A/N] I'm so sorry for taking so long! And I'm sure that this chapter is really short.. I'm going to right the 6th right away! ^^ I don't know when it'll be finished, though. ''ORZ


	6. UPDATE!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> UPDATE

Hello everyone!  
Uwhaaa, it's been over a year, hasn't it? I'm really really sorry. I got caught up with so many things, pfff. People around me who died, who got sick, birthdays, etc. And then: school. I don't go to school but they're still following me, aaarghh!!! (and work, help) Go away, school!!! > w 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> A new chapter!  
> Enjoy!  
> (read below for my rage haha!)

A couple of days later, Rin had Sousuke's room for himself. Sousuke had told him to play videogames in the meantime, or still try to do some homework - he had called in sick for a while, he needed some space, after all - to keep a little focused on schoolwork, before he forgot important things.

All Rin did, however, was sit on Sousuke's bed and hug his friend's pillow as tight as he could. He felt like no one in the world cared about him anymore, as if no one wanted to listen. He needed to be loved, that was all - why couldn't they see that?! 

The redhead sighed deeply, and decided to get a glass of water - he wanted to stay hydrated, and he refused to worry Sousuke any longer. Sousuke would give up everything for him, something he didn't want ; Sousuke had to live his own life, and he'd probably be better off without him, was what spooked around in Rin's head. 'Everyone is better off without you.' 

Rin's body had already gone out of balance - he either ate too much(chocolate, candy) or completely nothing. No matter how hard Sousuke tried to help his friend to eat and drink properly, it didn't help. 

When the redheaded teen washed off a glass that he had used the day before, he let out another deep sigh. ''I'm trash...'' He mumbled to himself.

He filled the glass with running water out of the tap, and took a sip after it was filled as much as he felt like.

Rin walked back to Sousuke's room, not noticing one of the game controllers was still on the floor - how stupid could he be?!

Not only did the stupid redhead fall over the controller and hurt his foot, the glass of water fell into pieces right in front of him - just before his arms reached the floor. ''Shi--'' Rin's arms fell on the exact same spot where most of the pieces fell down.

He bit his lower lip harshly, causing it to bleed rather heavily because of his rather sharp teeth. ''FUCK!'' He yelled loudly, and began crying out of pain when his nerves had begun working to send impulses to his brain.

Big pieces of glass, small pieces of glass, those tiny annoying pieces of glass - most of it was stuck in his arms. Oh, did he wish Sousuke was there to catch him...

Unfortunately, Sousuke arrived a little too late.

''R-Rin?!'' Sousuke spurted to his friend and pulled him into a close embrace. ''Are you okay?! What happened?!'' 

''I tripped. I-It's nothing.'' The redhead did his best to keep acting tough, but they both knew in how much pain the teen was. 

Sousuke laid his friend down the bed carefully, and got his medical-kit as soon as he could. ''I swear. I'm never going to leave you out of my sight.'' Sousuke mumbled a little as his voice trembled. 

Sousuke carefully took out pieces of glass that he could get out with some tweezers. ''I'm sorry,'' Sousuke apologized.

''W-Why are you apologizing? I'm the one causing you trouble. I'm really sorry, Sousuke. You deserve so much better,'' Rin sighed.

The corner bits of Sousuke's mouth curled up. ''I don't. You're honestly all that I want in my life, believe me. .. .. Aside from a job, of course,'' Sousuke chuckled.

Rin looked away. ''You're only saying that to make me feel better,'' He whispered softly, but audible for his friend.

''I'm not. God, Rin. Please just listen to me. I love you, okay?'' Sousuke said as he held both of Rin's cheeks with his hands.

Maybe... Maybe it was time for Rin to move on? Maybe it was time to give Sousuke a chance, and perhaps live a good life with him. 

''R-Rin? Did I say something wrong? Fuck...'' Sousuke slightly panicked, but before the brunette had any chance to freak out completely, the redhead firmly pressed his lips to his. 

''R-Rin...?!'' Sousuke was surprised now, frowning as his eyes had widened up. 

''S-Sorry, I...'' Rin smiled a little. ''I think I'm going to give this a chance. ''

''Give what a chance?'' Sousuke bobbed his head to the right a little.

''U-Us. I-I mean, heck, you're the only one who's taking good care of me. T-The only one who loves me. '' Rin slightly confessed.

Sousuke smiled. ''Like I said, I love you, Rin. But I want you to be with your one true love, as well. And we both know that's Nitori.'' He winked, and pressed a kiss on the other teen's nose. 

''Yes, but he hates me. He'll never forgive me. He'll always hate me.'' Rin leaned against Sousuke, who embraced him again. 

''He needs to calm down, and so do you. I mean, you lied to him - of course he's angry. You'd be angry if I did the same to you, right? I mean, in the exact way you did...''

''I-I would be, yes. And I regret what I did. I regret it so, so much!'' Rin sobbed. 

''You should tell him. He may not understand the first time you're saying it to him, but I'm pretty sure he will understand.'' And with those words, Sousuke let himself fall down next to Rin, to hold him even tighter. ''Let's rest for now, okay? We'll see what tomorrow brings, or this night.''

Rin nodded once. ''Thank you. Thank you for everything, Sousuke.''

''You're welcome, Matsuoka Rin. You're always welcome.'' Sousuke whispered sweetly in Rin's ear, and they both fell asleep after a tiresome moment.

 

________________________________________

The next morning - after removing the rest of the glass, which the idiots forgot to remove, so they had to visit the doctor before anything got infected - they decided to go to Samezuka Academy. Together. 

Of course, the redhead was nervous. He couldn't wait to see Nitori, but on the other side - seeing Nitori would be incredibly difficult.

Sousuke chuckled a little.

''W-What?!'' Rin immediately looked at his friend.

''You have to guide me. You're walking behind me, don't think I know the way here,'' Sousuke laughed softly. 

''I-I'm sorry.'' Rin grabbed his friend's hand tightly and continued to walk - taking the lead this time. 

A couple of minutes later, a familiar voice reached out to Rin. ''Matsuoka?'' 

Rin turned to the voice slowly, and saw the captain of the swimming team - his former friend, Mikoshiba.

''...''

''Hey, we haven't seen you in quite some time. According to the headmaster you called in sick for days? Are you okay?''

''...''

"O-Oi. Matsuoka. Say something!''

''He's not doing fine,'' Sousuke spoke for Rin, defending him by standing in front of him and shooting a glare to Mikoshiba. ''You, of all people too, should know that.''

''Well, yes, I mean... Hey, I'm sorry, Matsuoka.'' Mikoshiba slightly groaned by the presence of Sousuke. 

''If you are sorry, you would've tried to contact him. You didn't. No one did. You're all worthless pieces of shit, and only in the way to Rin's happiness. So get out of the way, and don't show your face near me ever again.'' Sousuke snarled.

''Oi! Calm down. I thought he needed some space, some time. I'm sorry tha--''

''Get out of our fucking way, right now.'' Sousuke hissed, and pushed Mikoshiba out of the way. Rin was slightly surprised by the sudden aggressive acts of Sousuke, but had to admit to himself that he didn't dislike it at all. He didn't dislike that side of Sousuke. He kind of liked it.

''Let's go, Sousuke.'' Rin smiled and dragged Sousuke along with him, leaving Mikoshiba alone - shocked.

''Are you alright, Rin?''

''Yes, yes. I'm okay. Let's hurry up. I don't want to waste any time right now. If he still hates me, we'll go back to your place immediately and---''

''Rin. Calm down.'' Sousuke hugged the other teen tightly, followed by a soft kiss in his neck. ''Everything will be fine. Give it time, okay?'' 

Rin slightly blushed, and shivered a little bit at the sudden touch of the soft lips in his neck. ''S-Sousuke... F-Fine...'' He looked away as his cheeks became even more red than before. 

''... Rin.'' A young, yet very familiar voice was incredibly near. A voice that made him smile, made him feel depressed, made him shiver.

''N-Nitori?!'' 

''Seriously. Lying to me that we are a couple, because you're in love with me - but days later you're already dating someone else?!'' Nitori bit his lower lip. ''You don't love. You only use people.''

''N-No! Please, no! This is Sousuke, he's my friend! My best friend. Please, don't think anything else about it.''

''He just pressed a kiss in your neck? What else am I supposed to think?''

''I was comforting him. He was scared you wouldn't forgive him --- Rin, are you depressed because of this little guy?'' Sousuke frowned. 

''H-He's more than just that, Sousuke.'' Rin mumbled.

Nitori sighed. ''You hurt me, Rin. You could've told me the truth from the start, confessed like a normal person would. Why would you lie?!''

''Because I was... Too scared. Too scared to confess right away, and apparently you didn't quite get my hints before you had that accident.'' Rin slightly pouted.

''What hints?''

''... All hints. Nitori, don't tell me ---'' Rin shook his head a little. ''N-Never mind. It's fine.'' Rin slowly patted his (former?)kouhai's head.

''... I'm doing better right now. We can talk in my room. But ONLY the two of us. Also, be glad I didn't accept the captain's offer to date his little brother.''

''Mikoshiba did what?!''

''Want me to kill that asshole for ya, Rin?'' Sousuke frowned widely.

''If it wasn't a crime - yes.'' 

''S-Stop that! That's mean! I met him, and Momotaro is a very .... nice guy. In his own way.'' Nitori pouted.

''Sorry. Let's do that talk and then go the way that will fit us - either our own way, or... Yeah. Let's go.'' 

Sousuke cleared his throat. ''Nitori. If Rin comes out of your room looking sad, I will make sure you'll feel guilty. He'll be mine. Understood?''

''... U-Understood!'' Nitori yelped a little - frightened of the other teen's scary looking face. The shota quickly walked to his room, being followed by another 'scary-looking' teen - I mean let's admit; those shark teeth are kind of frightening sometimes. 

Rin's nervousness returned to him as soon as they stood in front of the door - the door of the room they used to share before he kind of moved in with Sousuke. 

He had no idea what to expect, and as soon as the door would open, it could either become heaven... Or hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it - however, I don't really think so. ^_^;;;  
> I am not satisfied with this chapter, at all. I couldn't get a good end to it. Too many things happen so quickly. But then again, I haven't been writing for about a year, so what else would I expect? 
> 
> In the next chapter I'll try to write down the whole conversation LOGICALLY.   
> *prays for the yaoi gods to make it work help me*
> 
> Love you all! <3


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